We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
