Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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