I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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