We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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