highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it glows. i had to have it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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