Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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