call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
