Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
