"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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