I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
