There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't deserve a penis
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
