If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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