I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
