So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
