Fine. I'll sleep in my office
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
