Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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