I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
