brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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