have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
