His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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