Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
