god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
