From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
