My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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