I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
