hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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