Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
