I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
