OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
