So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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