During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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