Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
