I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
