ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
