I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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