I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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