the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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