Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
