Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
