dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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