You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
