i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
