I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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