this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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