I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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