I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want nice things and good sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
