I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
