Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
