you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
