peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
