there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
