My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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