i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
