I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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