There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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