By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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