But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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