just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
