I'm really into asian looking animals
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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