no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
