And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
