at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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