If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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