were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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