my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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