I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
