I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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